He wants LESS SEX’: 6 (kinda) strange boyfriend behaviors explained

1. He shows his vulnerability.
Many guys think women are looking for
the kind of dude who exudes strength
and confidence minus the macho bit. So
that’s the kind of persona he likely tried
to cultivate when he was pursuing you.
Once he’s accomplished that, he may let
his softer side emerge. ”Most men want
to appear strong and in control, but
behind that facade, they want to be
nurtured,” says Henry Cloud, PhD,
author of How to Get a Date Worth
Keeping. So once he feels that love
connection with you, you’re the one
he’ll look to when he needs comforting.
If you play your cards right during your
guy’s time of need, he’ll get into the habit
of letting down his emotional guard and
opening up to you more often. And what
girl doesn’t want an emotionally
available man? So just listen, try to
empathize with him and offer your
support. “By positively reinforcing his
vulnerable behavior, you’re encouraging
him to be that way with you,” says Los
Angeles-based psychologist Yvonne
Thomas. But beware of the “mommy”
trap. “He wants understanding, not
babying,” says Cloud. And make sure
you don’t let these heart-to-hearts
become a one-way street. It’s important
for you to turn to him when you need
comforting as well. Says Thomas: “Being
vulnerable with each other can help
make the relationship stronger.”
2. He takes fights to the finish.
Despite their penchant for body-crushing
sports and blood-and-guts action flicks,
guys tend to shy away from
confrontations with chicks. “Many men
feel overwhelmed fighting with their
partners,” says Don Ferguson, PhD,
author of Reptiles in Love. ”They are not
as comfortable expressing their emotions
as they perceive women to be and,
therefore, try to avoid contentious
situations.”  So if your man steps outside
his comfort zone to duke it out with you
(verbally, of course), it’s a pretty sure
sign that he’s in this twosome for the
long term. “A man who is willing to
stand up to you and assert himself
intends to be around awhile,” says
Ferguson. “If he wasn’t that interested,
he’d play the compliant card.” Granted,
arguing may not be your idea of fun, but
it can actually bring you and your man
closer. “Couples build intimacy through
conflict,” says Ferguson. “It’s how they
deepen their knowledge of each other.”
The trick is knowing how to fight fair.
It’s not about name-calling, blaming or
even winning. “When you are fighting
for things that are important and to
resolve a problem, you’ll both end up
more satisfied in the relationship,” says
Cloud.
3. He guards his guy habits.
Men are fiercely protective of their
buddy time. But when a guy is in hot
pursuit, sex trumps the boys, and he’ll
be available for the woman he’s with
pretty much any time she wants him.
That explains why you and your man
spent so much together time early on in
the relationship. But once that love bond
is formed, they feel the need to balance
out their social life and reclaim playtime
with their buds again. So it makes sense
that once your guy realizes he’s hooked
on you, he’ll try to carve out more male-
bonding opportunities. It doesn’t mean
he’s cutting you loose; it’s just his way of
overcompensating for falling so hard.
“His fears about losing his independence
may lead to his need to assert his
autonomy so he can prove to himself —
and to you — that love hasn’t taken away
his freedom,” says Deborah Anapol, PhD,
author of The Seven Natural Laws of
Love. The best way to deal with these
new interruptions in your 24/7 together
time is to give him some slack. Matt,* 31,
can vouch for that. “I really love being
with my girlfriend, Jenny, but when it
initially dawned on me that I had been
spending all of my time with her, I kind
of freaked,” he recalls. “My previous
girlfriends always gave me a hard time
when I wanted to be with just my
friends. But the first time I decided to go
out of town with the guys, she told me
she was glad because it gave her a chance
to see her own friends. Knowing she had
plenty going on in her life without me
was a relief.” Jenny’s one smart cookie.
By sending the message that she wasn’t
going to crumble without him, Matt
didn’t feel trapped and desperate to get
in his guy time. “It’s important to allow
him his space and to take your own and
trust that it will even out,” says Anapol.
“The best thing you can do when your
guy pulls back is to take your attention
off him and keep it on yourself.”
4. He stops talking as much.
You already know that guys aren’t big on
emoting. So when you start dating a
dude who’s willing to talk to you for
hours on end, sharing all the juicy
details of his life, you probably feel like
you’ve snagged a rare gem. That is, until
you’re an actual couple and he adopts a
monosyllabic conversation MO. It’s
understandable that you’d feel like he’s
shutting you out, but he’s letting you
know (not deliberately) that he’s content
and comfortable with you. “If your
formerly verbal guy becomes close-
mouthed, it means that he feels so
relaxed with you, he doesn’t need to
impress you anymore,” explains Thomas.
“Once there’s a real connection, you can
be together without talking. It’s a deeper
form of intimacy because you’re being
more genuine with each other.”
5. He wants less sex.
It’s pretty hard to top that high you get
during the lust-fueled beginning of a
relationship. So when that inevitably
cools off a bit, it can be soul-crushing.
But his downshifted libido doesn’t
necessarily signal that he’s no longer into
you. “A decrease in sex can often mean
that a couple is connecting in other ways,
so they’re not as driven by lust,” says
Cloud. It can also mean that he knows
there will be plenty of time for fooling
around, so he doesn’t feel desperate to
get it on with you whenever you hit the
sack. That’s what Lucy, 28, discovered.
“In the beginning, Peter and I had tons
of amazing sex,” she recalls. “So after a
while, when he’d occasionally spend the
night and just go to sleep, I got worried.
One night, when we got home late from
a party and he didn’t want to get it on, I
called him on it. He looked at me like I
was crazy, then explained that he was
simply tired — no big deal.” Ironically,
less sex may actually be good for your
relationship. “As your partner grows to
care about you more, he starts sharing
other parts of himself, such as his mind
and heart, rather than just his body,”
says Thomas. “That’s the difference
between lust and love.”
6. He shows his kinky side.
As you and your guy get closer, you may
not be having as much sex, but you can
definitely have much better sex.
Translation: A deeper connection means
carnal quality over quantity. And more
creativity. That’s because when your man
feels tight with you, he’ll be more
inclined to suggest some kinkier
bedroom activities, because he’s not
worried that you’ll bolt or think he’s a
perv. “He trusts you and feels safe
enough to reveal things without
worrying about your judging or rejecting
him,” says Thomas. So don’t judge or
reject him when he does bring up some
new erotic ideas. Of course, you don’t
have to indulge him either. But be gentle
when you turn him down. Simply saying
something like, “That just doesn’t turn
me on” should suffice. Then you can
counter his suggestion with one of your
own. It will help ease any discomfort he
might feel about being shot down, and
you will probably get what you want in
bed as well. Even if you don’t turn him
down, communicating your desires will
improve your lust life…and boost your
bond. “Sharing and experimenting with
each other’s more private fantasies can
be powerfully intimate and strengthen
your relationship,” says Thomas. Hotter
sex and a tighter connection? It doesn’t
get much better than that.